So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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