dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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