I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
