remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
