you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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