she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
