i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my being single is dangerous.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
