I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
