i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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