the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
