this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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