Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
