I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
worst night to have a conscience
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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