They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
