I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
