New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
