Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I cannot find my penis.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we're making bets on your personal life
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
