M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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