By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
