If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
