mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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