Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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