Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
MIDGETS
????
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
