you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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