between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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