Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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