just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
