We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
