tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
