I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
