he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
