i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
