i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It's just like the Real World with babies
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
