yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
