he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
