does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
