there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
