An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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