i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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