I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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