The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
