wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
