You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
