I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
