Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
