That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
