just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
