Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
