I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
