The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
