Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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