I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
