i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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