i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
