Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
