Yo dont text me then not text me
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
This is the high leading the old right now
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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