My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
