I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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