After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
