So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
