I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
